Have you ever been waiting on a Par-3, tee-deck; waiting for the green to clear; and just to make conversation with your fellow duffers, you might say, “have you ever had a hole-in-one?” 

And then you hear, “well I’ve only had two on ‘this’ hole”, or “six or seven but ‘only one’ this year”,then maybe “oh, my wife has three this year and I’ve only had two”…sigh!

You might want to stop reading…this is a very sad story. I’ve never had a hole-in-one. Not for want or need! I’ve been all over it! I’ve hit the stick several times. I’ve hit the flag and had it drop down within inches. Friends saw my shot from the tee, lip out! I’ve landed in the hole only to see it pop out and roll off of the green. Many times I have been just a gimmie away and have missed par! Ive even checked the hole when I couldn’t find my ball in the green-side rough. Yes, very sad.

When (not if) I get an ace, it will be spectacular!  I can see it now. I’ll blade a six iron (thinking it’s a 9 iron) right into a green-side tree…it will pop out and ricochet off of a green-side rock within a bunker and dribble onto a green’s swale and trickle slowly toward the hole, and within the last few inches it will hit a June beetle and careene into the hole…ACE!

Then, I’ll buy everyone a beer (including strangers that I drag from the parking lot) and extoll all of my wondrous golfing prowess,  over and over. So the next time that I’m asked, “have you had a hole-in-one?” be prepared for tears or a long, long tail over a short beer!

By Paul D. Bell, 
A hole-in-one virgin.


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